Black Friday

Well, I awoke this morning thinking, “Okay, time to get Christmas out. Put up the tree. Decorate.”
But the Grinch must have stolen my Christmas. I found myself grumbling around, feeling like it was a rather futile and grueling task.
I heard my daughter’s voice (really it was a text), “Just ask to open to the spirit of Christmas!”
Instead I heard a voice saying, “This house is too cluttered already! Why put more stuff out?”
So I got busy. I put things away, decided to get rid of some things, took a bag of stuff to the GoodWill drop box, and took my mom to the grocery for a few things. I fixed us lunch and then little by little, I started putting Christmas things out.
Before the day was over, my tree was up, decorations out, and the mess of it all cleaned up. I did take a break for a twenty minute nap, which revived my spirits a little more.
I’m glad to have the task done, but I admit, there is still a little Ba Humbug going on inside me. It’s tough to have an empty nest with no children to ooh and ahh over the Christmas tree. The grandchildren won’t celebrate with us till January. My daughter and her husband won’t be home for Christmas. Everyone wanted Christmas money rather than my doing the shopping for them. All these things kind of take away the traditions that used to make the season merry and bright.
But as I sat down to relax and darkness enveloped the world, I plugged in the lights, lit my candles, and I felt a spark of something. Sometimes the joy and fulfillment we get must come from inside and not other people. That’s what I am finding in this phase of life. After spending a lifetime doing things because I got kudos from my children, their joy was my joy, I am left to find the joy on my own.
I might just put on some Christmas music and let myself enjoy the sparkling lights and the love of the season that lives in us all year, but we forget to notice or feel it.


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