2007 The Year of Movement
Last night I found myself celebrating the New Year. As the evening came to an end, I realized that I had not really considered what the New Year entailed. I was just celebrating for the sake of celebrating. It was fun and free and without worries or cares. But realistically, when I look at the upcoming year, I feel a sense of dread for the things that are to come.
Stuck in my dead end job – a place that I don’t dare even let myself feel how miserable I am there or it would be the undoing of me. And knowing that I have to attend a seminar to improve my performance at that job, that I hope I will never have to use, because if I do, then it means I will be at this job much longer than I want to be. I’m still healing from not getting the job I interviewed for; still feeling like it was the last carrot on the plantation and someone else ate it.
Hope is what is missing, I feel. With hope, one can imagine going further, celebrating the newness and the opportunity for change that the New Year brings. There is a glimmer inside, but part of me also has such a voice of doubt. How, in this little town, am I going to find a more nurturing and fulfilling job? What could there possibly be here? And if it is here, where is it hiding – how will I ever find it or even know where to begin to look?
It is the same with my writing. What is the possibility of my writing ever going anywhere? Will it ever be more than just a hobby? I guess I need to give credit where credit is due. My writing has touched lives, but is that the best thing I could ever hope for?
Lately, it seems I have lost direction for my writing. I guess I haven’t had enough time to spend here, and when I do, I don’t know where to go or what to do with it. Maybe hope has something to do with that, too. Maybe it is direction that I am lacking.
I have to wonder how many people that we saw, standing under the great crystal ball, falling from the sky in downtown
New York, really knew what they were celebrating. Were they celebrating the opportunity to muster up the strength and discipline to lose weight or quit smoking or to take a more positive approach toward life or any other of the many cliché New Year’s resolutions? Or was it just a reason to get excited, be with a crowd, and do what everyone else is doing, drinking too much and staying up too late.
Will they wake this morning feeling like I do, like what does the New Year really hold for me, and is it really something to celebrate? Maybe they’ll just take an aspirin and complain about their hangover.
My life as it is, is not unbearable, but even the prisoner of war can adapt to his environment, finding places in his mind to escape for survival. I know I can do the same, but I don’t want to. My New Year’s resolution is to find that new space, open to the possible and find hope in each tomorrow – stop sinking into the corner of the cell with the resolve that “things could be worse.” (Some may see that as a positive saying, but truly, it is very negative.) A more positive approach would be, “things can be better,” for that is a statement that moves one to action.
But to move into action, one must have hope and determination to make the changes that they so desire. And let’s not forget direction. But even without direction, movement of some kind is better than sitting in the corner not risking a move for fear it will be in the wrong direction.
Kelly Rippa from the Regis and Kelly show said that she always names the year, like 2006 was the year of the martini. Although I feel her name for last year was rather meaningless, I like the idea of naming the year. It sets the motivation.
I think I will name 2007 the year of movement. I’m going to move into my studio and move my fingers upon the keyboard. I’m going to move the pile of quilt squares through my sewing machine until they become a quilt. I’m going to move my body, through exercise and diet, into good health. But most importantly and overall, I’m going to get up out of the corner and move into a new me – a me that moves to action instead of waiting for someone else to open the cell door or give me a reason to want to open the door.
So Happy New Year everybody. Welcome 2007, The Year of Movement!